What can I say?

Program Note:

"What can I say?" is a song cycle constructed out of hymns and evangelical music. The compositional process was similar to writing blackout poetry, in which a new poem is written by covering or erasing words on an existing text. I notated the melodies of several Christian songs and layered them on top of each other on many staves. Instead of erasing text, I chose words, pitches, and rhythms to create new lyrics and melodies.

The process by which each song was created reflects the confusion and contradictions we experience when we try to make sense of our past selves in the present day. The layers of text and melody signify the layers of memories and programming that we unconsciously carry. I chose to rearrange Christian music because of my experience of being raised in a religion that I no longer participate in. We can never discard older versions of ourselves; we carry fragments in every present moment.

The first and the fifth song are arrangements of the hymn "Blessed Assurance." Surrounding these songs are brief transitions from the viola, cello, and piano, emulating the sound of a church guitar and piano. Songs two and four are different versions of the same text, and the music in song 3 contains fragments from every song referenced in this work. The cycle frequently moves between clarity, confusion, and disruption.

I hope to move you with this work, and I hope that you see yourself in its contradictions.